A Lovely Dream

Petite Acts Of Love

Little you, little me. Let's change the world.

Chances are if you read my blog you are a pretty cool chick. Those looking for techniques only or glossy photos showing my perfectly photographed insincere life well, they grow bored and move on. There are enough blogs out there for everyone to find their niche, and I have mine with my kind of people. My girls. My chicks. Women who probably had a hard go of it for quite some time but came out on the other end. Or are still going through it but found a glimmer of something to hold on to, just like I did. You, and I, learned at some point that when everything was pointless or hopeless there was an answer within reach that would move us through the pain and entertain us in the meantime. We found art.  Now, imagine if you never found this out. If at your worst life stayed at its worst and you could not color and doodle and sketch or paint or sing your way through? What if there were no mixed media or art journaling. Sheeet...Art Journaling got me through a decade of pain.  Before everyone else knew how cool I was there I was with a cheap black covered sketchbook gluing in typed words and crayon drawn images.  Thank god I have this. I really don't know what would have become of me. It's scary to think about realizing where I was and where I was headed.

Now..imagine you could give that to someone who ordinarily would never ever have learned about it. You are giving the gift of art to them. There are many ways you can do this but ONE way is to help me.  I am starting a weekly art group with women and girls that are in safe housing at Breaking Free. 

Women and girls who have been victims of abuse and commercial sexual exploitation, (prostitution,sex trafficking)and need assistance escaping the violence in their lives.  WHO COULD POSSIBLY NEED ART MORE?  Down below is an informative video but this is what I need from you:

1.Sketchbooks. The black bound cheapie $5.00 ones are fine. If you have a Michaels store you can use your 40% off coupon.  Get a sketchbook (or more) and send them to me. I am going to teach about fifty girls how to draw and shade beautiful faces.  Later they will make mixed media paintings but mostly they need sketchbooks. They need that one place in the world where they can be themselves, to let go into, one place to capture beauty and keep it there which will remind them of it when things may start to go bad. They need that place. I can teach them but I can't supply everything myself. So I asking for your help. Get a sketchbook and email me at suziblu@gmail.com and I'll tell you where to send it.

2. Extra Art Supplies. Whatever you got if you got more than you need them send my girls some. Can be absolutely anything. I am going to start an art space for them and fill it up so anything you have is appreciated.

If you would like to donate money send it directly to Breaking Free below and make a note saying it is for the Suzi blu Art Classes!

DONATE TO BREAKING FREE

 

Dont know what our Human Rights are? Click below:

video

United nations declaration of human rights

Prostitution is Paid Rape

Johns

Day 19 and have breakfast like you mean it

A thought occured to me today:  "When are you going to use the fancy napkins?" I do not make a place setting for myself when I eat and especially not during the day. I put oatmeal in a bowl and shove it down over the sink. Then I gO gO gO until Im starving again and hurridly eat something else. Part of my healing means this has to stop.  So today, even though I don't have a lot of choices in the house, I ironed a place setting, with a cloth napkin, and set my table.

It may not seem like a lot but it is.  I'm acknowledging that I deserve pretty things, to be nurtured, and I'm celebrating the morning. All by myself. Cloth napkins for ME. Knowing I have to edit for 6 hours I am going to be in this spot. But even if I were painting, which tomorrow will be all day, wouldn't it be nice to have this there for me to snack on. A tier filled with things. A healthy muffin, nuts, fruit, jams. Then bring out more food for a real meal. 

A little sandwich on a paper towel isn't going to cut it.  I want to Live like I'm at a Bed and Breakfast.  I want abundance in the morning, and all day long.  My tea (Lemon Balm, makes you calm) tastes better when it's sitting there with a pretty cloth napkin.

Cute cute little mug from Home Goods. 

Shopping List
sprouted bagels
light cream cheese
a healthy hot apple turnover
Oatmeal

I need a list for lunch buffets which is also what I want to serve my girls who are taking my class here next weekend.  A buffet we can eat at all day. Hummus, crackers, grapes, cheese, little sandwiches. I think its good to eat like this while you are working.  Keep it available so you don't have to stop painting.

 

Next will be Fleece Pajamas for everyday of the week and not sleeping in my clothes.

Day 17 And Why Love Isn't Banging Down My Door

An Education

     I spent the night with Peter Sarsgaard and let him drag me through the mud.  Older man, young girl, he steals things, what red flag was not raised even 5 minutes into this movie? From the beginning when he offers to take her Cello for a ride I knew I was taking that ride too. Same hopes and dreams as she that yes, a smart and handsome and witty boy wants me. Even though I've been through this before. No stability.  Sure it's not too good to be true. Yes I will drink the cool aid. Please make it blue.

 Knowing we are already intoxicated the director makes it easy to follow the path: Ok, he lies and well, he steals. She'll marry him and watch him go to jail and they'll live in flop houses and she'll wish she followed her educated life instead. Got it. But, the way he looks at her. This is Love with a captial L. This is Living. This is better than books. It is what all good artists will put up with for a life well spent: Love Conquers All. So what if we are never comfortable and always in trouble.  This, this you and me...is bigger than life.

     And just like in real life I sit on the edge of the couch when the ordinary truth is revealed and feel the slap that says, "See, you fall for this everytime! You think things are more romantic and dangerous than they are. This is it, right here. This guy. Not the bad boy thieving clever adrenaline nut who is in love with you, yes that is what you signed up for, but the icky and the sick.  The truth is he sits at home in a recliner watching Americas Next Top Model next to his wife.  They go to Bed Bath and Beyond and he picks out the dishes she has to look at for the next 30 years (because, well, she picked out the sofa it's only fair.) The way he looked at you, heh, it's the way he's looked at everyone.  He does this all the time.  In fact, if they get pregnant he likes it better. So it's not that he's dangerous, none of it is real. In his eyes you were nothing special."

  Later, she is walking around her English teachers house and says:
This is very nice. All your art....and books.
It's post cards and paper backs.
Yes, but, thats all one needs, isnt it?  A place.

  When I feed my own soul no one can pull the ground from underneath me and all of the meaning in my life never drops away. I am not considering if my towels are masculine enough for the bathroom.  You aren't going to give me Paris, I can give that to myself. I want kisses and trips to the zoo and then I want you to go home. Is it no wonder Love isn't beating a path to my door? It knows I'm not going to open it.

 

 

Day 15

" The cold had polished and clarified the sky into onyx."
pg 43 Lit - from Book Club

That feeling. oh.
That feeling.
Sick naseous tired. Sinking.

Like the year isn't even a few hours old and already its worse.
Made an ass out of myself. Felt
Lonley sick
lonely. Now the morning after,
just sick.
Avoiding betrayed eyes in the mirror.
Mascara caked.
Nail polish chipped.
Too shakey to drive, do I have to drive?
Hard to believe 12 hours ago held manic expectation.
What did I think would happen?

That is what it was usually like on the first day of january, for most of my life since I was old enough to guzzle things I shouldn't. It was nice to wake up and feel well rested, happy, whole. I might not be wearing anything glamerous or have any times to tell you about, but I feel good.

I had period pain and ate 4 bowls of a cereal that is the healthy version of sugar smacks and watched three episodes of Law and Order SVU. Eyes heavy from fighting pain (where is my motrin?) we crashed into the pink blanket at around ten ocklock. Marvelous.  Nothing happened. I did not fall in love. I magically slept and celebrated nothing.

At 7 am we awoke and everyone wanted to pee so we walked. It was cold and oddly quiet. No cars going to work. Reminded me of the country and if anything I know when I buy property it will be somewhere without cars. I just don't want to hear anyone. Or see them. Unless I want to. Like the man over 60 jittering down the street toward us dangling a beer bottle next to his thigh.  7 am man.  I wonder if he feels magical.

Book Club Note
I am on page46.

 

 

Day 14

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

JANUARY BOOK CLUB

So that out of the way, let's read.  Now, for January you have the choice of two books. Both by Mary Karr, Lit, or The Liars Club.

Having read The Liars Club I am reading Lit.  It is a continuation of her memoir (she has one called Cherry that is in the middle but thats not necessary to read).  Her book Liars Club is the first and although you do not need to have read it to understand Lit you will appreciate her more because you'll know exactly what she went through growing up. Either book you choose I reccomend highlighting passages that either you can relate to or are just such damn good writing you want to know them forever.  Put the sentances in your Art Journal for this month.  Maybe you will be inspired to make pages about what you have read.

I am on page 40. 

I highlighted this:

"At some point, a looming figure glided up to the foggy side window, and I jerked huffing in air to holler, but the scream got stuck, just added itself onto the large round scream that all my life had been assembling in my chest.  It felt like a huge lump of cold clay.  Someday I was gonna holler so long, glass would shatter and walls explode." pg 20

A book I read mostly all in one day is God Hates Us All.  It is a real book written by a ficticious author from the TV show Californication.  Its not near good enough to be book club worthy but witty and a fun fast ride.