You are stressed. You're really stressed. For years. Coffee, doughnuts, no exercise, more stress more coffee. You drive to a new parking place even though Whole Foods is two stores away from Old Navy where you have just left. More coffee in fact, expresso. 2 shots. Cereal for dinner. MORE STRESS.
Some people live this way and seem to be fine. Some, no matter how well they eat or how much they try, wake up tired and stay tired all day. They drink more coffee, eat more sugar, and try to manufacture energy. But there is more to it than that.
Tired, all the time, but also, a feeling like you are sick if you do anything. Like after grocery shopping, you feel weak. Your body aches at the joints. You feel cold, the chills? You don't have a fever. You take your temperature and its under 98.6. It's 97. You rest and later you feel better, but it will happen again the next time you do anything at all that is not sitting down.
This is me even ten years ago. I got an aids test because I was terrified I had something horribley wrong with me. They found out my thyroid wasn't working, but even after years of medication I still feel crappy most of the time. From a lot of research I have discovered that bad nutrition and living on coffee and having anxiety for so many years has taxed my adrenal glands. If you feel like me, and have tests that don't show anything major, and you try so hard and STILL feel like this, for years, I bet your adrenals need a rest too.
But our culture likes a junkie. One who can go gO GO on little sleep and perform like a celebrity. Always look good always feel good always up for the challenge. I love it too. If I had my way I would drink coffee and never sleep or eat. Like Kerouac staying up all night on benzos and typing and "...burn burn BURN like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”
Yes he made On The Road but he also died of internal bleeding from alcohol. It is fallacy that a person needs to be fkd up in order to create poetic things.
Whatever your form of crack, constant worry, social anxiety, sugar, and caffeine, keep your adrenal glands ON all the time. And when they are ON, the body produces high levels of cortisol all the time. When you crash from the sugar and you're tired and you have anothercuppacoffee, you never let the adrenals recover. We are not meant to be MANIC all day long every day. To you it seems normal, because our culture enables this ridiculous lifestyle, but your body does not like living in constant fight or flight. After years of high cortisol levels your body says that's it, I can't produce cortisol anymore. There is a saliva test you can take to see if the level of your adrenal hormones are low. That is a sure sign they are fatigued.
Me? Today? I would eat Gigi's poops if I honestly believed they would cure me. I'd shove em in a smoothie with spinach and honey and chug it like a frat boy at a kegger. Today I am willing to 100% stop masking my physical condition with stimulants. About 2 weeks ago I stopped all coffee and sugar and white flour and yeah, I felt tired and like crap. I caved in once and had coffee but later felt physically worse than I had in days, when it wore off. It is just like a hangover, like the last few shots of tequilia you know you shouldn't have had, your adrenals cannot take one more cup of coffee. People who don't need caffeine for energy do not have the peaks and drops like we do, they are steady freddies. They actually get energy from food.
Not us. We are walking against the waves. I now go to bed a lot earlier, get up earlier, and eat things to LOVE MY ADRENALS. You know what? I feel amazing. If you feel really crappy, and the sugar and coffee that used to work for you doesn't work anymore, you feel so tired all the time even after a good nights rest....what do you have to loose? You have nothing left. Why not try love.
The mantra of my recovery is "Life in the Slow Lane." The simple life. I needed to be broken to realize I am only human. I cannot live on Poetry and Sugar, Alcohol and Boys. I can no longer run away from who I am without the stimulants, the distractions, the chemicals. I am not a girl who believes in limits. I can make anything happen given enough resources and time, but just because I can do anything and everything doesn't mean I should.
I am going to start a series called Gypsy Grimoire where I share my journey through recovery and health. I will tell you the books I am reading and the recipes I am making. If you at all have felt like I have, just do it with me. Keep an open mind. I already feel so much better. But I read it can take 6 months to 2 years to be normal. But imagine that NORMAL. Even the way I feel right this minute as I write to you, I do not feel as bad as I did two weeks ago, two years ago, living on coffee and sugar. It is an addiction for sure, but one in which we shall replace with things where you will not feel deprived, and will feel immediate energy from in natural ways.
Let me write up the basics of where i have started so you can do them too, but I warn you, you will have to change your entire life. But if you are run down as much as I am, give yourself a chance. Try self love. Tell yourself:
I am worth it.
I am worth it.
I am worth it.
because you are.