Waiting for a hurricane they assure us is coming. The radar swirl is bigger than our entire state. What's funny is I often dream of tornadoes right outside my front door. I take that to mean my life is chaotic. But faced with real terrible weather, I am calm. Because...I am home. I have spent my life trying to get away from this place, this block, this front porch. But I realize I am lucky to have it. Family is crazy. But real love is here. All that glitters is not gold. Cliche but true. It is not better over there, wherever there is. Whether it be a perfect body, money in the bank, or eternal sunshine. You don't have to have it all together to be happy. All together doesn't exist. Once you have one thing in place something else will fall apart. That is the way it is. Don't mistake glitter for soul.
The California Dream. I lived 6 blocks from the ocean. Cute surfer boys everywhere. Blue blue sky day after day after day. And after three years, sitting in a lawn chair on the patio, much in the same position as this photo of me here at home, I thought, " I have sun, and nothing else." Its windy at the beach, surfer boys are, gorgeous, but astonishingly annoying. and sun without trees is a scowl.
My dream is my dream. And I'm sticking to it. I know what it is and I don't need anyone telling me different. It's glittery all on its own. Its magical. And I'm proud of it. I know how I want to live and I am deeply grateful for California for showing me exactly what I dont want. Someone else's dream. And not a very good one.
Hunkering down for some weather. I dont live near the ocean so I'll be ok. Power may go out but I have plenty of paper and pens. I'll be fine. See you when its over.
