She likes her head up like that. Maybe its the angle that helps her smooshed in face breath better. Or maybe its because she has no chin. Maybe she hates being little and wants an eye on what everyone is doing. (everyone being me and finn). She loves to sit this way.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I haven't documented my life in awhile, and I need to. I need to be here because it keeps me clear. It's never been a problem to talk about my life in public, people ask me how I have the balls to do it. But all of this, all of it, was started because if I didn't get real then I was going to die. It's easy to lie to yourself when no one is around. Not lie exactly, but to be unclear. You need a place where you have to be absolutely honest or everyone will know its bullshit. Thats what documenting my life in public does for me. So I've been floundering.
Well, not about work. I've been writing my book for Quarry - due July 1. A book all on my ownesome. Plus I made a soldering class and I'm filming the best Journal class evah (begins May 1). It's not like I'm watching reality tv. But emotionally I am all over the place.
Work space is, well, it is what it is. I don't love it and I don't know what I should do. I live in paradise but my house has no natural light. I never see the ocean. And it's tiresome to hear, "But Gawd, you're a few blocks away! Get out there and enjoy it!"
Today I make background papers and log in the photos for chapter 4, then begin chapter 3 sketches and outline, Begin work on journal class. Go food shopping (stealing ideas from the menu of a good restaurant bcz I still have no idea). I take breaks to feed babies and walk them and I'm wearing the pajamas I had on this morning and passing us by on the road every 20 seconds is a bicyclist in black stretchy shorts and neon helmet. Even Lance Armstrong was in town last week. Everyone is training for the olympics and I didn't even shower today.
Finny's tail was better but it's bothering him again. We go back to the vet soon for a recheck so we'll see whats happening. Now that the staff infection has cleared they can tell the underlying cause. He might have a cyst in the tail that will continuously bother him until it's taken off. He's doing good though. He plays and giggles with me.
Because I got this place as temporary and didn't think about the future I never bought any furniture. I need a box spring and frame though I have to get my mattress off the ground. I'm getting one tomorrow. No matter what the future holds it will make me feel more stable to sleep higher.
And so that's it. I'm doing the work of my dreams and figuring out where to go from here. I can go absolutely anywhere that is not humid (except europe because they quaranteen your pets for 6 months). A little artists colony somewhere would be nice, someone said Indiana - but I have asthma. Much too humid. Problem with paradise is a house is 600,000 here and you are right on top of your neighbors. I can do better than that. I want quiet. Small town. I think I miss trees.
The Journal Class will be special. I promise you. Forgive me for being absent? I promise to be around more. I will blog everyday for April, okay? Without you I don't do very well.
Blue Corn Chips
Black Bean Dip