I have much to be thankful for. I have 3 furbabies and I make art for a living. That alone is enough. And sometimes I lead a magical life. Most times, though, I am just an artist.
It's winter by the sea and I live in an old house without insulation and the heater is in one room. I dont dwell long anywhere else in the house, I prop the bed next to the heater, and last night I caught site of myself and had a moment of hormonal existential crisis. I wore two wool sweaters, scarf, and hat, to bed. So much in my life is right but for the last 24 hours since it got cold all I could think about was getting warm.
There is no 'here'. Some areas of your life might work very well but there will always be somthing that is not right. Let's pick someone we think has made it. Let's pick the lovely Claudine Helmuth. I've met her in person and she is even more stunning. And down to earth and fabulous. Recently I learned one of her cats passed away, (cat, yes? Im pretty sure it was a cat). And this is not so long after her Toby had gone. We know that pain, you and I, and it's bottomless. What good is anything if we have to feel all of that? I will be running blindly and crying when the day comes to say goodbye to the gigi.
Sometimes you have to work at being hapy. Yes, here I am again, covered in cat hair sleeping in a hat and scarf on the floor close to the heater. Shouldn't I be somewhere else by now?
But whatever somewhere else is, where I am supposed to be, I am here. I am an artist. Living with my paintings, invited to thanksgiving by people who didn't know me. I eat good food and laugh until it aches.
This is right here right now. Never will everything in our lives be perfect. We will go down roads we never thought we'd go down, again. We will look not 'put together' enough to others. And we must make it a habit, especially at those times, to look past what others might be thinking and look for the truth. Only love is real. Look for the love in your life.
Quiet and books and tea and my easel. And if it all goes away this is where I will be. I haven't changed and my life is pretty much the same as it always was. It's all about the work. I get distracted with what might be missing from my life - the things that will make me more acceptable in conversation - truth is I don't care. I just want to kiss fur and paint.
This is where I am today. I am living with these 3 people: two mermies and what is supposed to be a pirate but right now looks like a missionary. I need to bring them to life more than I need to do my hair or make my bed and to some of you that makes me a whacko. And thats okay. Today, I release the need to make anyone happy - except my fur tribe, and my images. Oh and me too.
